I am 29, and my girlfriend is two years older than me. We have been together for nearly three years. She works for a multinational firm, pulling in roughly VND45 million (US$1,800) a month, while I make just over VND15 million. Early on, that gap never felt like an obstacle. She never belittled my modest earnings, and whenever we dined out or went shopping, she routinely took the initiative to pay.

Back then, I counted myself fortunate to have a partner who was both professionally successful and emotionally supportive. Yet the longer we stay together, the more my mind fixates on our finances.

Her favorite spots tend to be on the pricier side. A single dinner for two can easily consume what I budget for an entire week. Even though she never keeps score, I cannot shake an uncomfortable sense of self-consciousness. Once, after I mentioned wanting to cut costs and suggested cooking at home, she readily agreed—only to order nearly VND1 million worth of delivery later that evening.

When I transferred half the bill to her account, she refused the money, telling me to hold onto it for other expenses. I know deep down she had no intention of looking down on me, but I still felt a quiet sting. Instead of being able to provide for my partner, I find myself on the receiving end of her financial cushion.

Her career demands far more hours than mine, frequently keeping her at the desk until nine or ten at night before she can finally head home. When my parents learned about our circumstances, they were far from thrilled. My mother warned that high-earning women are invariably consumed by their jobs, questioning whether she would have any time left to look after a household once we tie the knot.

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I used to believe that a man does not necessarily need to make more than his partner. But faced with such a vast divide, unease has steadily crept into our daily life. She thinks nothing of dropping several million VND on an impulse buy, whereas I have to deliberate over every purchase.

While I continue to work hard, my field simply does not offer the earning potential hers does. I never wanted my ego to get bruised over money with someone I love, but pretending it carries no weight would be dishonest.

She constantly reassures me that whatever either of us brings in belongs to the household, that it hardly matters who makes more, and that both partners contribute in different ways as long as they build a future together. Yet all my life, I have grown up hearing the traditional proverb that the man must provide the roof while the woman tends the hearth.

If we marry, I may well end up as the one holding down the domestic front, and I worry about the friction that might surface down the road. I would be deeply grateful for any perspective or advice readers can offer.